Mine børn skal have det bedste - My Children deserve The Best

Det her er et impulstivt blog-indlæg. Jeg har lige set en genudsendelse af Luksusfælden. Jeg kan egentlig ikke lide den slags udsendelser, men den her fangede mig.

Den handlede om et par, der havde en god indtægt og alligevel var havnet i dyb gæld af den værste slags, som de dækkede ved at tage flere lån. En økonomisk nedadgående spiral. Da deres forbrug var gjort op, viste det sig, at de brugte en trediedel af deres indtægt på - ja, hvad skal man sige - ingenting! De købte ting! Ting og tøj! Flere gange om ugen.

Undskyldningen var, at det er for børnenes skyld. Det kan jeg bare ikke acceptere.

Det er fuldstændigt rigtig af os at ønske det bedste for vores børn. Men hvad er det? Er det ikke at opbygge mennesker, der kan klare sig selv? At gøre dem flyvefærdige, give dem gå-på-mod og en følelse af at de er gode nok uanset, hvad der sker.

Eller er det, at vi, som forældre, sætter os i gæld for at kunne købe ting til dem i tide og utide, fordi det skulle gøre dem lykkeligere? Det holder ikke en meter. Det eneste vi lærer dem krævementalitet.

"Men mine børn skal ikke føle, at de ikke kan få det samme som de andre børn". Det er stadig ikke den rigtige indstilling, for vi kan ikke alle sammen få alt. Sådan er det, og hvis man først opdager det som voksen, så har vi været dårlige forældre. For sådan er livet. Vi får ikke alle sammen det samme. Men vi kan lære vores børn at arbejde for at få, hvad de ønsker sig.

Jeg er ud af en ganske almindelig arbejderfamilie, og jeg er fra en tid, hvor jeg skrev ønskeseddel til jul og fødselsdag, og ellers fik jeg faktisk ikke gaver. Jeg kunne få en påklædningsdukke i ny og næ, eller min mor kunne strikke en kjole til en af mine dukker, eller måske fik jeg et sjippetov, når vi var på ferie, men gaver var på ingen måde hverdagskost. Sådan var det for de fleste.

Og det var ok, for det har absolut intet med kærlighed at gøre!

Kærlighed er nærvær. Kærlighed er at lære vores unger at klare sig selv. Kærlighed er at styrke deres evner og at lære dem at acceptere, at de kan ikke blive verdensmestre i alt - og at der også er ok. Kærlighed er at være der, når noget går galt og hjælpe dem på ret kurs igen. Kærlighed er at fejre over deres sejre. Kærlighed er at lære dem, at man ikke kommer sovende til noget - heller ikke legetøj eller ture til Disneyland.

Kærlighed er ikke gaver! Det er forældres behov for at shoppe og/eller at prøve at leve op til noget, som man reelt ikke kan. Det kaldes at leve på en løgn, og det er der aldrig nogen børn, der er blevet lykkeligere af.

'Køb' ikke dine børn. Elsk dem betingelsesløst og vær ærlig. Dét er kærlighed.

This is an impulsive blog post. I have just watched a re-run of a show called the Luxury Trap. I don't really like watching these shows, but this one caught me.

It was about a couple, who had a good income and was in deep debts anyway. Debts of the worst kind, which they covered by taking more loans. A downwards going economical spiral. When their budget was made, it revealed, that they were using a third of their income on - well, how can you put it - nothing! They bought stuff! Stuff and clothes! Several times a week.

The excuse was, that they did it for the children. I cannot accept that.

Of course we should want to do the best for our kids. But what is that, exactly? Isn't it to help build the best persons, who can take care of themselves? To make them able to fly, to give them courage and a feeling that they are ok, no matter what happens.

Or is it, that we, as parents, put ourselves into debts to buy them gifts all the time, because it should make them happier? That isn't how it works. The only thing we teach them is to become demanding.

"But I don't want my children to feel, that they cannot have the same things as other children". It is still not the right attitude, because we will not all have everything. That is how it is, and if you have to grow up, before you find that out, then we have been bad parents. Because that is how life is. Not all of us get the same. But we can teach our children to for work for, what they want.

I am a kid from a normal working class family, and I am from a time, where I would write wishlists for birthdays and Christmas, and otherwise I wouldn't get gifts. I would occationally get a paper doll, or my mother would knit a dress for one of my dolls, or I would get a jumping robe for the holidays, but gifts were not an everyday thing. And if was like that for most kids.

And it was ok, because it has absolutely nothing to do with love!

Love is presence. Love is to teach our kids to take care of themselves. Love is to strengthed their talents and teach them to accept, that they will not become world champions in everything - and that it is ok, too. Love is to be with them, when things go wrong and help them on course again. Love is to celebrate their victories. Love is to teach them, and nothing comes for free - like gifts or trips to Disneyland.

Love is not gifts. That is parents' need to shop and/or to try to live up to something, which they really cannot. That is called living a lie, and no kid ever got happier from that.

Don't 'buy' your children. Love them unconditionally and be honest. That is Love.