At gemme minder - To Store Memories.

I december var jeg til en frokost, hvor vi kom til at tale om gamle minder. En af tilstedeværende fortalte, at der var et familiemedlem, der havde fundet hendes gamle sut, og den gemte hun nu som minde. Jeg kunne høre, at hun søgte bekræftelse i, at det var et minde, så jeg forfulgte det ikke - hvilket jeg normalt heller ikke gør, fordi jeg aldrig i festligt lag fører samtalen i oprydnings-retning.

Men hvorfor vil man dog gemme sin gamle sut? Der er jo ingen minder forbundet med den, med mindre hun brugte sut, indtil hun var ca. 4 år gammel. Jeg har et familiemedlem, der fik sin barndoms sut i forsølvet udgave på sin konfirmationsdag, og jeg kan tydeligt huske hans reaktion. Først væmmelse og derefter forundring. Hvorfor få en gammel sut - og til hvad? Da dagen var ovre, smed han den i skraldespanden! Det forstår jeg godt. Det var ikke hans minde.

Vi skal være varsomme med, hvordan vi ser på minder, for alt kan gøres til minder. En dejlig dag ved stranden kan bliver til mange glas fyldt med strandfund. Gode fester kan blive til mange kasser fyldt med bordpynt. En rejse kan blive til læssevis af ting, som ikke passer ind i et dansk hjem (eller klima).

"Men hvis jeg ikke har disse ting, så glemmer jeg, hvor skønt det hele var". Nej, sådan er det nemlig ikke. Du vil altid huske det mindeværdige, og selvfølgelig skal vi huske vores fortid, men vi skal ikke dvæle ved den. Vi er her nu.

Vi skal heller ikke gemme en masse for vores børns skyld. Det gør vi nemlig ikke for deres skyld. Det gør vi for vores! Børnene kan alligevel ikke huske en brøkdel af, hvad de har lavet i tidens løb, og der er ingen grund til at starte deres liv med rod.

Vi skal heller ikke gemme en masse af vores (forældrenes) ting, for ungerne skal ikke starte på mindernes parkeringsplads, som er en plads, de ikke selv har valgt. Udse nogle få gode, sjove ting og pak dem ned. Ikke i 5 eller 6 kasser, men i én. Ved at begrænse sig til én kasse bliver man nødt til at sortere det mindst vigtige fra hele tiden.

Vi har alle vores ide om, hvad minder er, og de er meget forskellige fra person til person. Så vær kritisk. Kig fremad. Det er den vej, du lever.

In December I attented a lunch, and we started to talk memories. A woman told me, that somebody had found her old pacifier, and she had kept it as a memory. I could hear, that she was seeking approval, that this was ok, so I didn't follow up on it - which I normally don't do, if I am together with friends.

But why on earth would anybody keep an old pacifier? There are not memories connected to a pacifier, unless you were 4 years old, before you stopped using it. I have a family member, who at his confirmation got his childhood's pacifier - silvered - as a present. I remember his face. He was disgusted and puzzled - Why? When the day was over, he threw it into the garbage bin. I understood that. It wasn't his memory.

We have to be very careful and conscious about, what we consider memories, because we can make everything into memories. A lovely day at the beach can become many boxes/glasses filled with beach finds. Good parties can become many boxes filled with table decorations. A travel can become piles of stuff, which doesn't fit into a Danish home (or climate).

"But if I don't have these things, I forget, how wonderful it was". No, believe me, you will always remember events worth remembering, and of course we should remember, but we shouldn't dwell in the past. We are here now.

We shouldn't either save all our childrens' creations. They will not remember a fraction of all the stuff they have made in kindergarten or school. And we - to be quite honest don't save these thing for the childrens' sake. We save them for our sake. They are our memories.

The same counts for our (the parents') stuff. Our children should not live in a memory lane, which they haven't created themselves. So pick a few things of quality and put them away. Not in 5 or 6 boxes, just one. By limiting the number to one box you will have to sort out the best stuff all the time. We all have an personal idea about, what a memory is, and they are very different from one person to another.

So be critical. And look ahead. That's the lane you should walk.